For the past few weeks I’ve have been focusing on some of the struggles I’ve had to overcome. I’ve talked about learning about sacrifices I’m going to have to make and some of the negative feelings this journey is bringing up. This blog will discuss a lot of the challenges I am facing, however, I also want to use this blog as a way to celebrate my wins and highlight the challenges I HAVE overcome.
I am not trying to come across as bragging; however, one of the things I’ve been really trying to take a hold of is that “You are what you think you are.” I do admit that I focus on the negative way too much. A wise friend of mine once told me that the only reason why I wouldn’t achieve my dream of dancing professionally is because I am my own worst enemy and my disbelief in myself will stop me from getting there. He’s right…
I know that I have a lot of work ahead to fix my technique, improve my flexibility, and gain strength. But the biggest thing I need to work on is fixing my thoughts, changing my attitude and belief towards myself, and stop doubting and having poor self-esteem when it comes to my dance ability. I’ve been watching SYTYCD thinking “I know that with practice I can dance like those dancers. I know that I am nowhere near my potential and there is so much more I can do and learn.” But right away the negative thoughts creep in, “Who are you kidding? You’re never going to be that good. You’re wishfully thinking. YOU’RE TOO OLD!”
I’ve decided that the NUMBER ONE thing I need to improve is having a belief in myself regardless of who doesn’t believe in me. The ability to see my worth is the first thing I need to learn and then, and only then, will I reach my fullest potential.
So for this week I decided to look back and reflect on some of the positives of my journey thus far in list format:
1) I haven’t had so much determination and focus to reach a goal as I do for this one. It’s an amazing feeling to set a goal and actually put the steps in place to pursue it. For once I am 100% sure that I am in my zone doing what I am meant to be doing.
2) My flexibility has increased dramatically. I would say that I’m at a similar place to where I was when I was competing gymnastics. Actually, I’m more flexible now in some areas, such as my left leg active and passive flex and my hip flexors. I’ve been working really hard to improve my flexibility because I know that it’s one of my weaker areas. It’s nice to finally see all the stretching is paying off!
3) I’ve trimmed down since starting this journey! Since doing so I’ve seen a difference not only in my dancing, but in my overall positive attitude towards myself. Plus I fit into my new favorite pair of jeans now and that’s just awesome!
4) My dance technique has improved more dramatically over the past two months than it has in the past year. I attest this to focusing more on ballet, taking more difficult dance classes, increasing my strength and flexibility and my overal shear determination now that I have put a big goal in place. One of my goals last year was to be able to do a triple pirouette on my good side. Now I can do them on both 🙂
5) I have found amazing support in my friends. There are a few people who see the passion and potential in me and they push me to keep going when I feel down or discouraged. It’s comforting knowing that I have people backing me up and having that support makes a huge difference.
6) I got my first dance audition over and done with. It was kinda scary, not going to lie. But my best friend pushed me to go and I am really glad I did. The audition taught me a lot about what to expect, what I need to work on, and it was actually kind of fun!
A picture of from my first dance audition and my first experience putting on fake lashes! Which sucked!
7) I’ve started networking with some people that I’m hoping will help me reach my dreams! Though I haven’t been able to dance my full time dance schedule yet because I do not have a car to get to all of my dance classes, it’s good to know that some things are coming together 🙂 Yay for business cards!
8) The reason I get discouraged so much is because I am a perfectionist and I want to get things right the first time, but no matter how discouraged I get I am finding that my love for dance is increasing everyday. It’s fueling the fire to keep going and I know that I am doing the right thing but going for it!
9) I am learning so much about myself outside of the context of dance! Some of these things include how to see myself in a positive light, understanding who I am as a person, and realizing what I am capable of.
10) I’m learning to be OK with not being perfect. As I mentioned earlier, I am a perfectionist and if I did poorly in a class I would walk out and start doubting. I have to keep reminding myself that It’s only February and I just started seriously training dance 1.5 months ago. I haven’t even been able to dance my full time schedule yet! This helps me be OK with the fact that I didn’t do as greatly as I would have liked in a class.
Well, thank you for taking the time to read some of the positive points in my journey. Until next week…