The Trait That Katy Perry Taught Me

I watched a documentary on Katy Perry once. I wasn’t really a fan of her, but it was on Netflix and I love documentaries. By the time it finished I was a huge fan of Katy Perry, not necessarily because of her music (though I do like it haha!), but of her dedication and determination to achieving her dream. She was rejected time and time again, but she knew what she wanted and she didn’t let the rejection stop her for going for it. Her perseverance paid off…obviously!

There was one particular moment in the documentary that stood out to me. She had it really tough in her personal life at the time. Laying in her hair and make up chair she was crying, devastated with what was happening in her relationship. Her team told her that she could cancel her show that night and rest. Katy stood there contemplating the decision and after a few moments she told them to start getting her ready. She decided to go through with the show despite what was happening!

That moment in the documentary continually sticks out to me. I believe it’s one of the things that makes people who achieve their dream stand out from people who do not. The people who achieve their dream have a persistence and perseverance that outweighs the negative around them. They continue to strive and push even when things are going wrong. I believe that all people who achieve their goal, whatever it may be, must have this trait. Because face it, we don’t live in a perfect world and things WILL NOT go our way.

I never thought I had this trait.  I always thought I was the opposite, always giving in when something didn’t go the way I envisioned. But last year I found out that apparently I DO  have this trait. People were constantly telling me “you never give up”. “When you fall, you always get up again.” Yeah right….

The past two weeks have not been the greatest weeks. My job is quite overwhelming, my visa application was having trouble (again!) , and I haven’t danced as much as I originally planned. 10 classes a week has turned into 2-3. I was so tired that I was beginning to think that I should go back to NY where everything would be so much easier.

Looking back on the past two weeks;  however, I’m starting to see what people mean. Despite all the stress and overwhelming things going on around me last week  I went to 5 dance classes, my first professional level contemporary class, my normal Sydney Dance Company contemporary class, a ballet class, a jazz class, and a lyrical class.  No, this week I haven’t been to a single dance class but every night I’ve been strengthening and stretching for at least an hour, regardless of how tired I am or how much I don’t want to. In addition I practice my pliés and my body alignment in the mirror  for about 15-30 minutes every single day. I’ve also practiced Horton technique twice this week and every Tuesday I’ve been going into the studio to practice turns, jumps, tumbling, and to stretch.  I’ve increased my center split flexibility, my back flexibility, my hamstring flexibility and my ankle flexibility (by 4 cm!) in the past two weeks.  I can hold my leg higher that before, do more turns in a row, and learned two new dance skills ( a toe roll up and a switch tilt jump!) In addition, I was able to keep up in last weeks pro level class, both mentally and technically. I didn’t even compare myself to anyone.

So for me to wake up this morning and tell myself that I am a failure and I’m in the brink of giving up is wrong. My focus has not been on my goal of dancing professionally lately. My job has taken up majority of my brain. I have thought about giving up my dream. But something keeps me going. Something tells me, don’t give up! Keep pushing! Persevering! I have no doubt that in many moments Katy Perry wanted to give up and stop pursuing her dream of being a singer. But she kept going in the tough times. In times like these I must do the same. Regroup, stand back up, and keep running.

I’m My Own Worst Enemy

In my last blog post I alluded to one major thing getting in the way of me reaching my potential in dancing. It’s not the fact that I’m unable to get to all my dance classes. It’s not my finances or the fact that I don’t have enough time in my day. The one major thing getting in the way of me achieving my goal of dancing professionally is ME.

Yup, that’s right. I’m getting in the way of myself. I am my own worst enemy.

I am aware of the disbelief I have in myself and I understand that it will in no way contribute to anything I want to achieve. I’ve researched it and  bought books on it. I’ve tried index cards with positive sayings on it , I’ve tried saying positive things out loud , and I’ve tried focussing on my achievements. These things might help temporarily, but before you know it the doubt creeps in. It is so ingrained in me that I constantly struggle with it. Every.Single.Day. I can’t seem to get rid of it.

I’m really not sure what to do anymore. It’s frustrating because I finally figured out the one thing I really really want to do.  There are so many people who are afraid to chase their dreams or who regret not following their dreams and here I am, actually taking the courage and making the investment. But I just don’t know if I can do it. And that’s an issue.

Then there’s the problem of people telling me that I’m a good dancer. I don’t know if they’re just saying that to be nice or if they really mean it.  People throw around “great job” like it means nothing.  I’m the type of person that wants an “all or nothing” kinda of situation.  There’s a standard of excellence I want to uphold and I want to be the best I can be, not just have people tell me “good job” when it really wasn’t. That’s bullcrap. And because this has happened to me one too many times I actually don’t know if I have enough talent to even have a fighting chance in the industry because I don’t trust anyone. No, talent is definitely not everything. But it IS something and I don’t know if I possess it.

In the end you can have all of the talent in the world, but if you do not have the belief that you can achieve what you set out to do then you never will. That is my biggest problem. Let say I do have the talent to make it in the industry…it doesn’t matter because everyday self- doubt creeps into my puny little brain that can’t seem to keep a positive thought about myself for the life of me. There’s always that voice telling me that I won’t make it.

And that’s that. I don’t have a nice lesson I’ve learned or a lovely ending to conclude with because I haven’t found one. I haven’t learned to believe in myself yet. And until I do I will never truly reach my potential.