Update!

I haven’t had much to write about, hence why I haven’t written. I suppose I’ve found a routine that I’ve slipped into, and for the first time I feel like I am not in this alone. One of the major reasons is that I’ve finally started private lessons. My teacher is everything I’ve wanted in a mentor. One of the things she has me do is keep a dance journal where I keep track of all the things I work on at home. It’s great not only because it keeps my accountable, but because it gives me direction. It’s also great to have one-on-one attention when it comes to fixing my technique and how to improve it. In addition, I’ve found a class solely on kick, turns, and all that stuff. It’s good to have one class where I can just work on that and it’s fun. 

I have mixed feelings about my dancing right now. On one hand I’m finally noticing improvement in my dancing. I am able to dance with more ease and I’m starting to break some of my bad habits. I see my increased flexibility while I’m dancing and I’ve noticed that I am stronger. At the same time I still have feelings of inadequacy as I feel like my dream of dancing professionally is impossible. I try not to look at youtube videos or research dance companies that often because I know it leads to negative feelings, but every once in a while I do. It’s discouraging to see how basically every single one of those dancers have a degree in dance and have extensively studied dance at reputable schools. I watch dancers on youtube and they’re younger, stronger, more flexible, and more technically advanced than I am. I’ve been working so hard, but I just don’t know if it is possible for me to ever reach a level that I would even be considered. There are so many people who are vying for their dream to come true and I’m at the bottom, no matter how hard I work. It’s disheartening. Regardless, I’ll keep trying for a little while…

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