It has been a while since I have written a blog post, but as today was a substantial mark in my journey in dance I wanted to make sure that I FORCED myself to write one and update everybody on what has been happening. The thing is that I have no clue what is happening! I am completely in awe of the opportunities I have been given.
In my previous blog post I mentioned that I had auditioned for Kaleidoscope Dance Theater, an opportunity I have been blessed to be given. It’s funny because I always daydreamed of what it would be like to nail my first audition in NYC, and here I am able to say that happened to me. I have been with the company for a little over a month now. There are times I stand in rehearsal in absolute disbelief of what I am a part of. To think that it was only months ago that I had wished to be a part of a professional company, thinking my chances would be slim and telling myself that I would not try to audition for one until next year. I believe the craziest part though is how KDT fits into a pattern I’ve found myself in for the past year since starting this journey. Every SINGLE person in the company is so supportive, believing in me more than I believe in myself. To me it is no coincidence that this opportunity has been given to me and every rehearsal I am reminded how much of a blessing it is to be a part of the KDT family.
I find myself continuing to struggle with negative thoughts, something I was battling throughout the week while I participated in a workshop and audition for another dance company. Feeling inadequate during the first day of the workshop, I was very close to giving up and not attending the audition. However, I made the decision to refocus (I “flipped the light switch” in the words of Sean McLeod).
I know that I have weaknesses as a dancer, but over the past year I’ve also learned what my strengths are. Before the audition I sat down and meditated on those strengths and made a vow to myself that I was going to use exactly what I had in my hand in that moment, knowing that it will eventually lead to fulfilling what is in my heart. I might not have great control when I dance (yet!), or have a beautiful extension (yet!), but I know that I have the vulnerability to let my emotions and intention show through my movement. I have understanding of what my weaknesses are, but I also have the understanding that I am working on them and that I will not reach my potential as a dancer over night.
After I changed my focus, I really enjoyed the experience and started to appreciate where I was at. I was sharing the studio with people who have been dancing their whole lives, many who have been dancing professionally for many years, and I was not that far behind them. The amazing thing is that for the first time ever I made it through not one, but two rounds of cuts, the goal that I gave myself at the beginning of the audition. That to me is proof that thoughts are very powerful. I may not have gotten the job, but the experience was definitely worthwhile. I am glad I went through with it to the end as I learned a lot about positive thoughts and was able to put that into practice.
Also, on a side note, I’ve made the decision not to audition for the rest of the year and I want to really focus on improving my weaknesses, because if my dance journey continues to go the way it is going I have a lot of work to do!